Jealousy: A marriage’s gift and curse
Jealousy is considered a natural female trait just as maternal instincts are. Jealousy is not a negative thing when it makes a person concerned about and scared for their significant other. However, when jealousy becomes the instigator of doubt among women, it can cause turmoil in a marriage.
Dr. Shaikha Aloudah, a professor, said when a wife begins to have doubts about her husband, it is most likely because the husband acts in a certain manner that creates these doubts in the wife’s mind. Sometimes, however, doubts can be the result of stress or psychological instability. In the case of the latter, one must visit a psychiatrist to address the main problem and work things through.
“The wife usually fears the loss of her husband and the loss of his fidelity towards her. She fears that he might be cheating on her and having an affair with someone else. Thus, the jealousy develops into doubt which could drive the wife to stalk her husband and follow his every move to verify or refute her own doubts,” she explained.
According to Dr. Aloudah, there are generally two types of doubt: the healthy type and the unhealthy type.
“The healthy type is a simple jealousy which is viewed as a natural behavior. The second type of doubt is unhealthy jealousy, which prevents its holder from trusting the other person, resulting in accusations.
“The second type is what we are concerned about. An unhealthy jealousy could lead one to psychological problems, stress and unrealistic doubts. All of these could also lead one to act irrationally and make regretful decisions. This could, in turn, create deep friction in the relationship of the married couple, driving the man to truly cheat. The wife is then faced with her own guilt and conscience as she finds that her marriage has ended in a divorce.”
Dr. Aloudah advised women to trust their husbands. She said women must educate themselves and cultivate a sense of individual thinking that will protect them from being affected by gossip.
In the event the wife’s doubts of her husband are confirmed, the wife should refrain from acting on impulse and irrationally. Dr. Aloudah said she must consider forgiving her husband and always refer to Allah in time of turmoil. Most importantly, she must keep her marriage problems at home and not discuss them in her circle of friends.
Dr. Aloudah said men must remain calm and collected when their wives doubt them.
“He must show his wife that he loves her and respects her. He must also be a very honest and transparent person that has no gray behavior about him such as coming home late. If the doubts reached a threatening point in their relationship, then the husband must take his wife on a trip far away from their current environment and circle of friends so they can confront each other and be honest and open about their thoughts and feelings. Together they must find a solution for their current situation and rebuild trust between them. The wife should never leave her home and kids because of doubts she had. She must be wise and calm about the situation,” she said.